Darkness
my Teacher

(Audio Recording Above) 

It has been 21 days
That then sun has ceased to rise
And I have sat quietly
Waiting for the lesson

Last night
My spirit lifted out of me
Circled above my sleeping body three times
Then hovered above my chest
Like a sparrow

I felt the hair-rising discomfort
Of being watched
My spirit-eyes looked up and found
My father’s shadow
Hovering next to my bed
He retreated when I saw him

I flew after him
He sailed up the staircase
until I had lost him…

Lost my chance to cry out angrily
In response to his spirit hovering
Now I tasted the sour uncertainty
Of my own mind

When I found him
He was a kind old man asleep in his bed

And I remembered
To never question my own truth

And that to be human
Is to have a shadow that is sometimes dark and ugly

In another room slept
The spirit of my mother
But she was twenty, bronze-skinned
And white bikini-clad
Like in the faded picture of her
Newly-wed and living in Hawaii
A bright smile on her face

This smile so often eclipsed
(As the years passed)
By her fear

And I remembered that she was the woman
I had chosen to be my mother

Because I had fallen in love
With her joy

I fluttered towards a third room
Where my dream-self knew that the man
I was once in love with
Was inside sleeping

I found him
Lying in bed with a beautiful woman
In my dream
This meant he had betrayed me

Anger filled me
And I clawed at her flesh with my talons
Anger had turned me into
A bird-demon

And I remembered
That I had once betrayed myself
When I had chosen to love a man
Who didn’t love me

And I remembered
To never betray my heart

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