When my sister and I pose for a selfie, I look like a vampire standing next to a Hawaiian hoola dancer. I am glow-in-the-dark and allergic to the sun, and…
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They say that the average American watches 2.5 hours of TV per day. This is about the equivalent of how long I am on the phone with my ex, Roscoe…
You know that text that your girlfriend wrestles you to the ground over and doesn’t let you send to the guy who you wrote it to? This is in most…
Meth is common in this town, and you can pretty much pinpoint the meth-heads as the ones who pull up behind you at intersections, stick their heads out of their…
My coworkers are like the Von Trapp family. The front page of the company’s website should be them dressed in calico-printed curtains, holding hands and frolicking together in the Swiss…
So come with me where dreams are born and time is never planned. Just think of happy things and your heart will fly on wings forever in never never land.”…
My dating record is pretty indicative of the fact that I find accents to be irresistible. Although, I did have a dream last night that I kissed my cousin –…
It’s 10:30pm on Saturday night and a male co-worker who I’ve only ever had the obligatory “how was your weekend?” “Great!” “Good!” …discussion with, sends me these texts: What are…
My mom is always attempting to glean material for “bragging rights” to convince her friends that she had not entirely fucked up as a mother. While her friends proudly discussed…